She walked. Every day, and sometimes twice, she would saunter through the woods and across the fields, drinking in the presence of nature she felt all around her. She held a make-shift bouquet of wildflowers in her hand, and swayed them at the beckoning of the wind. These moments, alone with God, sustained her throughout the endless trials of her days. She felt lonely, but knew she was never really alone. She felt sad, but knew there lived inside of her an everlasting supply of joy. If she could only reach it. How does she reach it?
What stands in the way of her grabbing onto the happiness she knows would follow if only she’d trust? It is many things. It is free will, fear, memories, comfort in the constancy, loming rejection, and confusion. It is uncertainty and a self-consciousness that’s she’s not sure originated with her.
Does she really have enough love to give? Inside she is stone, ice, cold, hard. What will it take to melt it away, to chisel a stautue of beauty? Patience, endurance, commitment, trust, LOVE. God loves her with all the love she’ll ever need. Why doesn’t she see it? She longs for someone to hold her close and tell her everything will be alright. It’s all going to be OK. Where does she go when she is the one everyone leans on? Her Father beckons, I’M HERE CHILD, I’M WAITING. She doesn’t hear Him, or is not listening. She is oblivious.
She cries out to Him, “Lord, where are You when I need you? You promised me You’d never leave me!” He answers, “Can you not hear me child? I am right here, just as I’ve always been. Can you not feel my arms around you? Do you not feel me holding you tight, just like I promised I would?”
She cannot hear Him. She searches in the trees, looks up to the sky, for some sort of sign. He tries to tell her she only has to look as far as her heart. He wants to shake her, to scream at her to listen, but He is a patient Father, and will wait until she can open her heart and her soul to Him. He suffers silently with her, cries with her, laughs with her, feels her anger and confusion, and waits. His arms outstretched….He waits fo her to run into them and feel His warm embrace. He watches as she searches, and knows that one day soon they will look into each other’s eyes, and she will know He has always been there, waiting.
– Written in 1999