Have you read my last post about wanting to really live in the moments with my boys? I expressed my heart-felt cry to really hear their laughter in my days, look deep into their wonderful eyes, and play like I had nothing else to do.
Laryngitis wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but it’s the answer I got. I’m not saying I was stricken with illness to teach me a lesson, but in the illness I find the lesson learned. It started Thursday with the beginnings of aches and fatigue and a sore throat. Friday my voice came and went as it willed, and I was forced to listen instead of speak. What a gift! I know that sounds crazy, but that was the day I really heard their laughter! In my silence, I heard them.
Saturday my voice was completely lost. I was forced to communicate with whispers, facial expressions and wild hand gestures. In the lack of words, I spoke in part with my eyes, and that was the day I really looked into theirs.
Today I stayed home from church and a playdate with another family. I was really upset about missing out on what I knew would be a day full of play. In their absence, I spent time with them the only way I could, and I used my day to finally(!) get the photo albums in order. I flipped the pages, filled in the blanks with memories on film, and was forced to looks at years past. I came to realize there have been many times these last 8 years that I have really played with my boys. What a treat to realize that truth! To look back on the years and know that they hold such grand adventures and discoveries and milestones and lots and lots of smiles for all.
I know the illness is leaving me, and I’m so glad for that. I think today was the day I made the switch from sick to better. As life returns to normal, will I take the lesson learned with me into the days that come? Will I listen? Will I look? Will I play? Well… I hope.