I love my husband and my sons with all my heart. I want the best for them. I feel like nothing is too good for them. Then I realize that often times I don’t meet my own expectations.
For a long time, at the end of each day, I would replay the events, conversations and general happenings of the hours gone by. I would constantly try to figure out better ways of fulfilling my roles – from caring for my sons, to cooking and cleaning, to my relationship with my husband. I relentlessly heaped the pressure on myself, always thinking that I needed to be more and do more for my family. I never met my own expectations. I was never good enough. It was exhausting.
I finally had a lightbulb moment. My job was to be the best I could be, not try to be someone else. My job was to listen to what God was asking ME to do, not what He was asking others to do. My job was to love my family for WHO THEY ARE, not try to change them into people they are not.
Such freedom came the moment I first realized I was free to be me, Josh was free to be Josh, and Josiah and Elijah were free to be Josiah and Elijah! Such joy came as I realized that my job was to enjoy these men (both young and not-so-young) that God has given me to share my life with.
I still experience relapses in my perfectionism, but they occur less and less. The burden I put on myself is becoming lighter and lighter. I am good enough, Josh is good enough, Josiah and Elijah are good enough. More than good enough.
God put our personalities together to form a family – Team Sklar – and I’m excited to discover more of who we are in the years to come!