This is a new idea for me…
A couple of blogs I follow shared their “word” for 2011 – a theme that will run throughout their year, something they want to make a priority, a special focus of the year ahead, what they think this year will bring, etc.
I’ve thought about it for a few days now, and prayed over many words, but I think I’ve come to it. My word for 2011.
Last year seemed to be a time of waiting, of faithfulness in the waiting, of uncertainty and often confusion.
The song While I’m Waiting by John Waller meant a lot to me in 2010. I listened to it ALOT.
And I heard that same song yesterday while I made dinner, and the word for 2011 was right there in the song lyrics, it had been one of the possibilities on my list, and then suddenly I knew.
It excites me.
It scares me.
It makes me smile.
It’s two words that go hand in hand – not just one…. two words.
My friend Amy pierced right into my soul when she casually mentioned to me at our church’s annual Ladies Retreat last May, “I don’t know why you’re not more confident Anna.”
Little did she know she would set me on a journey while I waited in 2010. A journey of the soul.
Why AREN’T I more confident?
I don’t have all the answers (who does?). But God has shown me that confidence cannot come from Anna. It has to come from God. When I look to myself to find the confidence I lack, that’s exactly what I see – lack.
But when I look to God for the confidence only He can give – that’s where I hit the motherload. Confidence to the brim, the ability to be bold – these are things I’ve never had before.
I can be confident in who God is, in His love for me, in what He did for me in Jesus. I can be bold to act on that confidence, living out the life He intended for me when he knit me together.
I don’t know where bold will lead, where confidence will take me.
I shake as I type the words.
All for His glory, never for my own.
Do with me what You will.
ps – Bold is also one of the meanings of the name Caleb. My middle son Caleb was stillborn in May 2003. I wrote a small book about the experience. I wait to see what will become of the book – so many options for publication, already reached so many as we pass it on to whoever needs it… Bold… is this your year angel boy? I hope…