“To live now, this instance, is to welcome these three realities: ourselves, the external world, the universe of other men, and that over which our Lord reigns… [It means] that we refuse to escape into dreams either of the past, the future, or the unreal… One gains spiritual health when we are in possession of the present moment and no longer indulge in dreams of escaping from it, but steps out into the daylight of Him who made all things and all life’s passing moments and said that they were good. The cross of Calvary, which was a harsh but real moment, has transformed everything that harms us in this world into a source of perennial good. Do not be afraid then, to become a living being, to grasp the present moment with both hands, and to make it completely your own.”
– From my devotional this morning – Letters of Faith Through the Seasons, Volume 1, James M. Houston. This is a portion of a letter written by Fr. Rene Voillaume.
If you’ve read my last two blog posts, you might realize, just as I am, that God is whispering something beautiful into my life… something very free-ing (free is my word for this year).
I’ve been posting about dreams – I have many of them(!) – and how I get so easily lost in them. Struggling with how to use the moments of today to invest in the dreams of tomorrow – like a happy marriage, Christ-following children and grandchildren, finishing university, ?teaching?, serving others around the world, etc. etc. etc. I could go on and on. And before that I posted about crossing the tracks, leaving who I was behind, stepping into what I am becoming – with the Light strong and warm on my face as He guides me ever closer to all He meant for me to be.
My devotional this morning continues to speak the truth into my heart that God has so much for us in TODAY. And it was good to put a label to my dreaming – escaping. There are so many ways that people can escape – I’m not sure that any of them are less harmful than others – whether it be the bottle, pills, adultery, shopping, eating, or living in dreams so ideal that any semblance of reality leaves people destitute inside and causes dissension in their relationships. This is the one that’s got hold of me right now. All are crushing and destructive in their own ways.
I find that when I get lost in the dreams, when I escape, I find it almost impossible to see the good in my life. And believe me, there is a spilling-over of good in my life. A cup-overflowing of good. And yet I can’t see it when I run away in my mind.
I pour out my heart to Joshua, tell him I can’t see the good. I used to blame him alot. I used to think if only this changed in our lives, or that, and why isn’t he working on that RIGHT NOW? Can’t he see it’s just no good this way, that God has something else for us that’s truly marvelous and we’re missing out on it? Wow. Totally negates all the awesomeness of TODAY.
The thing is not to let go of dreams, but to leave them with God. Never stop dreaming, but don’t let myself live in those dreams just yet, not until it’s time. Trust God is moving me always closer to… whatever He has. I think He gives me just enough of a glimpse so I don’t lose hope and become discouraged – but then I grab hold of that glimpse and run with it in my mind, and want to live in it NOW.
And I thought I was growing in my patience!! Ha.
What always brings me back, what grounds me once again… is to see the good. To see the God. TODAY. TO LIVE IN THE MOMENTS. It is my heart’s cry – the name of this blog is so fitting, a vision for my life all unto its own. Something I must strive for on a daily basis.
I look forward to today. Being happy in whatever moments come from today doesn’t mean I settle for a life of drudgery and dreams-never-realized. It means I honour God by enjoying what He has for me RIGHT NOW, and look forward to whatever He brings later. I think I have some wonderful hints to keep me going, some passions and abilites that have always been there. And I’ll wait to see which ones He gives first.
A wonderful lady once told me not to let go of the dreams in my heart, that they were probably ALL there for a reason and a season in life, but that I couldn’t possibly live them all out at once, and that it’s interesting to see which dreams God gives in what order.
But most of the time, I think the dreams He gives that are the most amazing are the ones we daren’t dream, the ones we can’t even put to words, the ones that go so deep we can hardly whisper about them, they’re just too wonderful to even imagine, no escaping into them would do them justice…
Like the way I daren’t dream about a christian husband and children after years of walking far from God. And now I LIVE in that, in those moments that used to be but a whisper, deep down in the secret places of my heart. How can it be so easy to lose sight of the good?
May I make my most passionate strivings today, Lord, to be to see the good. To live in the moments of today, whatever they may be. What happiness, joy, excitement, contentment, peace awaits in those moments. For that is where You are. Take all my tomorrows, my dreams, and do what You will with me. In Your son’s name, Amen.