I’m still waiting for the happy ending.  I’ll be waiting for the rest of my life.

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Caleb‘s birth – his quiet, still birth.

Just as there was no hurrah or excitement or anticipation 10 years ago, there was none of that yesterday either.

There was 10 helium balloons, two confused parents with the same old questions, and two boys who are alive and well and happy.  Thank God for them.

I guess I thought it would get easier by now, that there would be a few more answers or a lot more peace.

I guess I thought that 10 years would somehow be different, and feel different.

It’s still the hardest thing in my life, I still don’t have the answers, and peace still eludes me.

I have peace about where Caleb is, and I know that one day I will meet him.  That fills me with indescribable joy.

I know that his story has helped and blessed and comforted more lives than I can count.  That fills me with abundant hope.

It’s quite simple, really, I… just… want… him… here… with… me.

And that will never change.