I’ve been writing out his story, our story, for more than 10 years now.

10 years of sharing our journey of discovering hope after stillbirth.

What started out as a thought about creating a small booklet that could help others in the initial baby-loss has grown to a full-blown book.

All the first writings from 10 years ago are there – journal entries to Caleb during pregnancy and beyond, and practical ideas to help with the first few weeks – these were to make up the booklet.

But after writing those out, I knew there was so much more. I needed to share more.

Five years ago I mapped out chapter headings and created an outline for something a little bigger than a booklet.

And I got to writing.

A year later I had the first draft of a small book.

By then I had shared our story with so many hurting hearts, and I knew my Caleb had only begun to reach out in his own way.

God has such different plans for my middle son than I have. It all looks so different than I thought it would.

The book rested for a while, as I rested, writing these words out has been such slow going.

Journeying through healing after such deep grief is no small thing.

Every word of this book comes from the depths of me.

Even now… more tears… I have poured out my love for my son into these pages.

One of the few ways I get to tangibly love him on this earth.

My momma-heart has been opened wide to share with others.

This year marked the 10th anniversary of Caleb’s stillbirth. His quiet entrance and exit.

I knew it was time to finish the task of sharing our journey of healing so far…

The book has grown to include more journal entries, poems, blog posts, articles and reflections, writings from others on a similar journey (emails exchanged with a friend as we both journeyed through pregnancy after stillbirth, poems, a song written for Caleb, and seven stories – all a little different – from wonderful women).

And it’s done… at least for now… I keep saying that… maybe there will be more in another few years.

For now, our story can finally be passed along quite easily to others who may need the comfort of these words.

I found the greatest comfort in the knowledge that I was not alone.

Self-publishing has been an adventure all its own.

And trying to decide what price to ask, what to do with the proceeds, etc.

We have settled on the idea of asking a very reasonable price and donating proceeds to charity.

Charity could mean sending free copies to those who can’t afford one. Or helping to build an education centre in Dominican Republic. Or filling a medical clinic with World Vision. Or funding prenatal programs for mommies around the world. Or sending aid to children in Northern Ontario.

I’ve also had a dream of family mission trips for as long as I’ve been a mommy. We have a chance to live out that dream in the spring of 2014. Maybe some of the proceeds will help with those costs.

And that’s as far as I got… for now…

I have a proof of the book in my hands. I’ve fixed the mistakes I could find and will order another proof. When I get that one, read it through to make sure it looks good, and fix any more mistakes I find, the book will be ready to order.

I will let you know as soon as I can.

My first book is really almost done.

We’re almost there Caleb!