Happy Sweet Sixteen Caleb :)

I don’t know what the day will bring.

I don’t know what the month will bring.

I don’t know what the year will bring.

And most days now, that’s OK.

You’d be so grown up by now, Caleb.

You’d be learning to drive.

You’d be halfway through high school.

If you were anything like your brothers you’d be playing at least one sport.

Maybe you’d be dating?

You’d have seen at least a few places in the world.

You’d have met so many people… I’m sure they would have loved you 🙂

You have a place in many people’s hearts, because you have a place in our hearts and we share you with the world.

Can’t help it.

There have been times when I couldn’t share you, needed to keep you so private, wanted to protect you.

There have also been times when I let you loose from my heart, let others catch a glimpse of you, and watched as you helped to bless their hearts or heal their hearts.

Those were proud times for me.

Because it’s been the hardest thing to learn to mother you.

You’re not here, it’s not right, nothing is normal about it.

And yet, there is hope, there is joy, there is love.

In spite of all it isn’t, there is still much that remains.

The older you get in my heart, the more birthdays that come and go…

It gets ?easier? to let you go, feel you grow, watch you spread your wings…

Just like if you were here with me these past 16 years.

By now you’d be so much taller than me, so much stronger than me, maybe even smarter than me 😉

And I’d watch you go about your days, in your taller and stronger and possibly smarter self, and I’d wonder what is next for you, what is coming for you, what your days will soon bring…

And so it is today, on your Sweet Sixteenth birthday.

We may do a balloon launch and get some Dairy Queen as in days gone by.

We may drive 45 mins to the cemetery and get some Krispy Kreme donuts like last year.

We may do something different.

I don’t know what the day brings.

And maybe today… that’s OK.

Love you Angel Boy,

Mommy

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