Author: annasklar

I watched this documentary on Netflix the other day…

LOSING SIGHT OF SHORE – “follows the extraordinary journey of four brave women known as the Coxless Crew that set out to row the Pacific Ocean from America to Australia unsupported. As they row over 8,000 miles during their nine months at sea, they face extreme mental and physical challenges they must overcome in order to go down in history. This is a story of perseverance, friendship, and the power of the human spirit. Everyone has a Pacific to cross.”

I’m not sure I’d use the word “courage” to describe our jump into the ocean of uprooting from our home of 13 & 1/2 years and moving to a city about 5 hours from the shore we’ve known for over a decade.

And I know our personal ocean is quite calm compared to others, and there is far less pain in our Pacific than others will experience in their own ocean crossings.

But here we are, smack dab in the middle of our ocean, riding the waves and facing the storms, and appreciating the calm days as best we can.

And on days like today, when the waves are relentless, I find it helps to write it all down and share it with you 🙂

Our shore disappeared from sight a few months ago. We had been staring at this particular ocean for a few months, wondering if it was time to set sail, to leave our shore of home, community, church, friends, and familiar sights and sounds. After much soul-searching and praying and chatting, we decided to step into the boat and start the journey to a new ministry, new schools, new focus, new community, new friends, and new every-days.

The ocean crossing has been so calm some days – with blue skies, whales breaching, birds soaring, and a view that extends far into the horizon. We can see so clearly on those days, we can almost see our destination across the water.

Then more waves, storm clouds roll in, rain pelts down heavy on us, the wind blows us this way and that, making it necessary to constantly correct course.

I am always reminded of my Word for 2017…

Still

And the Oceans song that goes along with it

And the quote “I can trust the waves for I know the One who made the ocean”

We’ve been out on the ocean for a few months – embarking in our hearts before we removed ourselves physically from the safety of shore.

Our boat is slowly but surely taking us across the water, we are rowing as best we can, there have been breaks in the crossing along the way – moments of laughter, amused incredulity at our situation, utmost trust that God is, in fact, in control.

But there have been dark days, stormy days, and doldrum days.

Days when there’s nothing else to do but sit on the water and wait.

Or days when the horizon disappears in the waves.

Or days when the clouds touch the water and I can’t tell what’s up from down.

Today the sky is gray, today I know there are waves coming. What I don’t know is how big they will be, if they will be storm waves or fun waves, and how much they will toss our boat around as we ride them.

Like all the other days on the ocean so far, this one will end, and we will be that much further from shore, and that much closer to our destination.

The awaiting shore is still so unfamiliar to me, I can’t even describe our new neighbourhood, or the schools the boys will attend, or the closest grocery store – because not even those things are solid ground to land on yet.

But I do know there are friends waiting, waving at us even across the expanse still to travel. There are family members scanning the horizon, keeping a close eye out for any sight of us.

And that helps in the crossing and the wave-riding, still far from shore, still unsure how many course-corrections there are yet to make, still hoping today will be calm waters, swift currents, blue skies and whale sightings.

I wish you well as you cross your Pacific, whatever it may be, whatever waves may come today – may you end today much farther ahead in your journey than where you began.

🙂

I was going to do another couple of posts on Introversion, but there is just so much I want to share with all you introverts and extroverts out there in hopes of understanding one another a little better. I decided to sum it up with a few graphics, some key points, and a heap of encouragement to dig a little deeper into this topic if it’s of interest to you. It’s worth it for sure 🙂

Let’s get on with the show… SOLITUDE is key for introverts.

We simply need a break, need to be left alone. And sometimes it’s our own thought whirlwinds we need a break from. Sometimes it’s the noise of the world in general. Sometimes it’s all the responsibilities that crowd out any semblance of peace and calm. Sometimes we need 5 minutes. Sometimes it’s 5 hours or even 5 days (I’ve yet to take THAT long of a break – I think that would drive even me a little loopy). And because we’re all at different points on the introvert/extrovert scale, our time requirements and circumstances for solitude will all be different. So cool how none are the same, eh? No fitting into molds here. Not a chance.

Solitude doesn’t necessarily mean a chair on the dock by the lake in the middle of nowhere. It can mean a 20-min Netflix show. It can mean a few minutes with a good book. It can mean a glance out the window. A bike ride, a walk, a movie, a sewing project, a daydream, an idea, playing a few songs on a musical instrument, or listening to a few of your favourite songs. It’s a break from what is draining you, a chance to reconnect with that inner side, a grounding moment.

Now, we can’t stay locked away in our heads or in our homes or in our quiet places for too long. At some point we’ll need to step back into the “noise” of our lives. I love some noise as long as I know there will also be quiet. Again, this can be mental noise or social noise, and mental quiet or social quiet.

When it’s time to step out, remember you can be yourself. If extrovert qualities are needed for the occasion, you can pretend for a while even. I’ve picked up some small talk pointers and learned alot about social interaction with crowds and people much “louder” than myself from being married to Josh for 17 & 1/2 years. He’s a pretty big extrovert, big personality, fills a room without saying a word, loves it when people are hanging on his every word, has a million stories to tell, can shmooze with the best of them, etc. It’s actually one of the things I think is great about him, as long as I’m not expected to BE him. And that was HUGE for me to learn – I can be myself, can socialize with him in my own ways, leave much earlier than him, and it’s all just fine. Really. I’m still good, he’s still good. We are just very different. And I like it that way, as long as we can accept each other for who we are – plain and simple. For the most part I am fascinated by Josh and all his extrovert ways. He’s quite entertaining to say the least 🙂

And that about sums up the main concepts I wanted to share with you – there’s SO MUCH more to learn about the topic if you’re interested. There’s a heap of information out there now – I guess the introverts have started to share more now that social media gives them the space they need between themselves and their audiences 🙂

If you have an introvert loved one in your life, this is very important to remember…

 

 

When I speak I have no idea whose talking. When I write I hear my voice.

I typed this out many years ago in an email to a Mom’s Moments contributor. It’s how I feel often. Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy people, being around people, talking to people, doing activities with people… but when I put my fingers to the keyboard and start typing out words… that’s when the magic happens for me.

I’ll add another statement to the above gem…

My keyboard is like my microphone, my stereo system, and my volume increase button.

When I have something to share, when I hope to encourage others with an idea, or when I learn about something that excites me – this blog is where it goes first, sometimes after a few conversations with select individuals 🙂

Learning about introversion has been very exciting for me, very freeing, and I’m hoping will be very encouraging to readers who are introverts themselves or have loved ones who are introverts.

The next 3 blog posts will be about introversion… what it means to be an introvert, what we need to be our best selves, and healthy ways we can interact with the extroverts in our lives.

Yes, let’s get on with the 1st post… More About Introversion… yes 🙂

I highly recommend the books The Awakened Introvert by Arnie Kozak and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. I truly gained alot of knowledge and encouragement about introversion from these books. Quiet is available in pdf form here.

And there’s a wonderful blog I started following called Introvert Spring. Michaela is a very encouraging, gentle soul whose words are suited especially for introverts and those who have loved ones who are introverts.

I already shared a little about what it means to be an introvert so now I’d like to touch on what it might look like to be a suffering introvert, and how we might be adding to our own pain without even knowing it…

A couple of years ago I had a bout with anxiety & depression. This is so common in our world today, and there are many ways we can get to that point. For me it was a mixture of grieving, miscommunication with loved ones, pushing myself too hard and too fast out of my comfort zones, big lack of self-care, and a build-up of sleep deprivation. I was basically a ticking time bomb of confusion and emotion. Everything was on the surface, I’d forgotten how to tap into the inner strength of introversion, and I’d forgotten alot of who I was underneath it all. My foundation had crumbled quite a bit and it was a long process of tearing down what I had built on shifty ground, finding the solid ground again, and rebuilding on the rocks in my life. I never lost my faith, it was nothing like that, there were just so many other noises in my life that I couldn’t hear the still, small voice of the One who loved me most. I can’t tell you how good it was to reconnect with Him, the first and firmest Rock of my foundation.

Going back further in my life, there was always this sense that something was wrong with me, that I was lacking in many ways, that I couldn’t possibly hope to be like others in the world who were healthy, happy, strong, wise, contributing members of society. Recently I’ve come to realize that for most of my life I’ve been comparing myself constantly to people who are completely different from me – no wonder I was always coming up short.

My brother once wrote that we should only compare ourselves to Christ. He was so young when he wrote that. And so wise. He would sometimes post deep thoughts on the fridge for the rest of us to read, and I’m really glad he felt comfortable enough to share that side of himself, to let us into that part of his world. I’m really proud of my little bro.

I had alot of negative self-talk going on in my head – it would consistently drown out any positive talk others were offering in my direction. The negative talk would slap the outstretched hand of the positive talk and not let it anywhere near me. This only added to the anxiety and depression. I don’t remember how it started – the turnaround from negative to positive self-talk, but I do remember one day just knowing I was pretty cool. In fact, I was awesome. I think it started when I heard the still, small voice. It rang true and it rang the loudest in my heart and soul and mind, and I liked it, and I wanted more of it. From then on, when positive talk was offered to me, I didn’t immediately turn away from it – rather I looked it in the eye, and opened myself up to the possibility that it might just be true. Then it was like a snowball – positive upon positive with me at the centre – tumbling down the hill in unknown directions, smashing any obstacles in our way, actually having a jolly good time together – me and this new positive mindset.

And in social situations – I started understanding I wasn’t ill-equipped but instead I was selective – about people, conversations, settings, time, etc. All these little quirks I’d been compiling into a negative mental list and beating myself up about were just normal for who I am, how I function in the world, indicators of how I could be at my best if only I’d see them in a positive light. I tended to shine in one-on-one conversations or small groups, I loved talking about the deeper issues, and my sense of humour was more subtle.

As I began to see myself in a more positive light, I also started learning how to care for my introverted self. I am learning not to berate myself for needing time alone, even from my husband and 2 sons whom I love more than I can say. And I’m learning to tell them my needs, and not cave when they protest because they want more from me. I know they want more because they love me. I also know that when there’s no more to give there’s no use in me trying to give – empty is empty. The best thing I can do is fill up so there’s more to give – very practical, isn’t it? The tricky part is finding a good balance in all the demands of a usually-noisy world so that there is usually some to give to the people in my life I want to give it to most.

 

So… if you’re feeling tired, confused, stressed, or overwhelmed – please know you are not alone. Often you just need a good dose of time away from social obligations. If after a while you find this just isn’t cutting it, you should see a health-care professional for advice. In my own life, I had gotten so empty for a time that I needed some medical help, and it was a struggle to learn this was OK and not another way I was defective or weak. If it’s a biological or genetic issue, help may continue for quite some time, and that’s OK too.

Introversion is simply a personality tendency, and it can sometimes explain symptoms similar to depression – for me it was changes in appetite, sleep patterns, weight gain, fatigue, confusion, indecisiveness, memory difficulties, and feelings of low self-worth and value. Some of these things have been in my life since I can remember, but it was the sleep deprivation and increases in other symptoms that finally got to me. And there were a few causes working together to bring on my bout with anxiety and depression, it was not a single cause on its own.

Introversion  is not an answer to major symptoms or symptoms beyond the ones mentioned here – in that case I would greatly encourage you in the most positive way to ask the advice of a professional. I know people that would not be in my life today had they not gone for the help they needed. Thank God for the help they received.

One last thing that can really bring unhappiness to an introvert is having a misalignment between your goals and your personality – not being true to who you are can cause great stress and frustration. I remember repeating a statement over and over in the time leading up to my “burnout”  – I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t know what my roles are at this point in my life. I don’t know where my place is in this community. I was so confused and always measuring myself up to what other people were doing and coming up short. I’d completely lost focus on who I was, what I wanted /liked to do, and how to go about living out my passions and dreams in my current situation. And when I tried an idea or tried fitting into a group and it failed, I was knocked down yet another notch, and felt even more like a failure. It was a pretty negative cycle to be stuck in.

Finally I tuned out everything that others wanted me to be, and everything I was supposed to be, and once again I listened for the still and small voice that spoke loudest into my life. He told me He loved me just as I was, that He made me just the way He wanted, and I had alot to offer in my community circles. I was to remember that in this season of life, I would gain the most satisfaction and pleasure from simply finding my roles first in the smallest community that was my own home.  I was needed, wanted, and invited into so much just by being a wife and mother. This was the first set of roles to solidify in my heart, everything else was extra at this point in my life. And soon enough, that would change, the seasons of life are always going to be shifting. But for now, it was so important to be present in the current season of family life.

And once that was solid, I could begin to dream and imagine what else I’d like to put into my life, where else I’d like to contribute. I went back to the beginning, remembered my hobbies and interests growing up, focused in on what I’d added through the years that I truly enjoyed, and began to see the colours on the canvas on my life. It was beautiful! Simple things like bicycling, sewing, watching my sons in their activities, baking, reading, listening to music, watching the trees in the wind, and going to the movies brought some colour. More complex things like international mission work, continuing education, simple living, global stewardship, local service ideas, and encouraging children to help others brought still more colour. Some parts of the canvas remain blank, and I look forward to seeing which colours will fill those spaces. Most likely in other seasons of life.

For today… I think that’s all I’ve got to share… it’s quite enough I think! 🙂 I’ve given you lots of food for thought.

Enjoy your day – whether it be a welcome (or not so welcome 😉 ) draining out in connecting with others, or charging up in solitude… which is the focus of the next Introvert post… coming soon 🙂

In case you didn’t know… I’m an introvert.

I used to feel like it was something to hide, be ashamed of, liked I’d failed at interacting with society, inferior, etc. etc. etc.

Now I feel like shouting it from the rooftops,  I’m so happy about it, about this description that so wonderfully encompasses… me.

I feel free.

Free to be me.

And it’s awesome.

People have thrown that word at me over and over – it used to be shy, quiet, anti-social, nervous, anxious, afraid, weak even – and I never really took the time to completely understand it. I think I might have alot of forgiving to do – of all the acquaintances, teachers, professors, leaders, speakers – all those who crossed my path and just had no clue.

That I didn’t have to be like them to be a “normal” part of society.

That being me was, in fact, a good thing. And not something to be “fixed”.

Ya – do you sense a little ‘tude in my words? Maybe I do have something to work on 🙂

But it’s not me – not the core of me, the essence of me – that can wholeheartedly stay.

Being an introvert, a perfectionist, a people-pleaser, a pastor’s wife, and the oldest child of British parents is quite a recipe for potential angst, don’t you think?

I’m sure we’ve all got our own ingredients to throw into whatever recipe we’re trying to make ourselves into.

Mine? I have longed for a peaceful, fun, adventurous, meaningful, contributing, healthy life since I can remember. I treasure a couple of hours with a good book, a bike ride along the lake, a hike through the forest, a conversation with close friends or family, and a night at the movies.

And I LOVE watching my guys in their different activities. All 3 of them – from Josh preaching to Josiah and Elijah on their sports teams. And I love when sometimes I’m the only one that gets to see their antics – like when we went for a walk in the forest just the four of us the other week. They got up to their usual playfulness, and I was the only spectator… what a treat! Once in a while I’ll even join in with them… once in a while.

You know what? THAT’S OK!

I’m really coming to terms with it, no more trying to be someone else, because then the world would miss out on… me. Whatever it is that I can bring to the lives of my family and friends and whoever I cross paths with in my introverted way.

I guess I just wanted to encourage any of you fellow introverts out there… you’re good. You’re so good. You’re ALL good. Deny it no longer. Believe nothing else.

You are free to be you.

Like I’m free to be me.

Maybe one day you’ll tell me about it.

But probably not. You’ll probably write me about it, if you tell me at all. And you know what? THAT’S OK!

Because I really, truly get it.

Take this quick quiz if you’re curious about whether or not you might be an introvert at heart.

I’ll probably write at least a little more about being an introvert in the next couple of blog posts… I’ve just been holding this stuff in for too long!

And writing is usually the way I get things out… to you.

Sometimes when you’re trying to grab hold of the opportunities it’s hard to live in the moments.

Sometimes stillness is elusive when it seems a million things are vying for your attention.

But I’ll keep trying 🙂

There’s God things coming for our family… good things, big changes, lots of unknowns, exciting adventures ahead.

We’ll be moving to a place that’s about 5 hours from where we’ve been raising our boys the past 13 years. But it’s closer to family, near our old stomping grounds, and there’s lots of opportunity there for all of us.

Josh will be taking a new job as a senior pastor.

I’ll be making my way back to school part-time for a Master’s in Peace and Conflict Studies.

Our boys will be navigating new schools and new neighbourhoods.

We’ll all be saying goodbye to a place and a people that have poured into us for more than a decade. And we’ve poured into this place and these people too.

Some people are sure to visit us in our new place, and we’ll continue to pour into one another’s lives.

And there are new places and people coming – new places and people to pour into and allow them to pour into us.

Much transition.

It’s been a whirlwind of finishing the last of the to-dos on our house, and cleaning/fixing our rental house so we can list them on the real estate market. And narrowing it down to the right neighbourhood in the place we’re moving to.

But I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We’re rounding third and heading into the home stretch.

We’ve done our bit and we wait to see God do his bit.

It can be pretty fun to watch Him work out the details, can’t it?

Like only He can.

And I can see more moments of stillness coming.

Thank God…