Category: Marriage

When I walked into my friend’s house a few days ago, I knew I was in for something good.

I had attended the IF Gathering 2014 in a small town 2 hours from home.  This year I would get to enjoy snippets of the IF Gathering 2015 in my friend’s living room, gathered together with about 10 other amazing, godly women.

I didn’t even know the theme of the Gathering, I just knew it would be good. So when the DVD started and I found out the theme was Joshua, I just sat there and smiled.

I smiled because I could see another glimpse of what God was up to in me – this theme has been running through our lives over and over for years, and especially the last 3 years. Every time it comes up it’s time to take another step into the Jordan, not seeing how the water will part, just trusting we’ll make it through to the other side… somehow… in God’s will.

I think I already had an idea of this next step to take… but I’ll get to that in another post…

It’s funny, when God plunks down His will in the middle of your life, and leaves the choice up to you.

It’s like coming to a wall, right in front of you, and you can go either one way or the other, but you can’t continue going forward – not in the direction you were heading.

Because you are never the same person after God presents His will to you.

No matter what choice you make, whether yes or no, you will go either one way or the other, but never be on the same path again.

You will always know that either you followed God or you didn’t. And either one can change you forever. You will never be the same. Going forward on the path you were following is impossible.

And so it was with My Joshua. I met him in a chiropractor’s office in 1997. He was a patient, I was a receptionist. His personality would consume the entire office space as soon as he walked in the front door, I would keep the office running smoothly in the background. He would have every single person laughing and connecting in a matter of minutes, I spent quality one-on-one time with the patients as I led them down to their treatment rooms. We had such different gifts and abilities, and we used them to minister to those around us in different ways, neither more important than the other.

I checked his file soon after meeting him.

HHmm… just a few months younger than me…. this could work.

Except I look younger than my actual age, and he kept inviting me to the youth group he was pastoring at the time. I kept telling him I’d let my YOUNGER brother know about the group.

Then I went off to Bible college for a few months, thinking I would never return. I had these grand plans of missionary work and being a jungle bush-woman. Marriage and children were NOT on my radar.

I returned home for the Christmas break. I never went back to school. There was such a tug on my heart to stay. My mission field was here first, with my family and friends.

I needed to find a church I could plug into (I had grown up in the church, wandered away for many years, and my own faith developed while working for the chiropractor – a man who served on the international mission field for 45 years, practising his chiropractic methods for free on whoever needed them). I remembered My Joshua (just Josh at the time). We started attending his church.

Within a few months my YOUNGER brother was part of the youth group, My Joshua (still just Josh) now knew my correct age, and I was volunteering as a leader with the group.

Then came the wall.

I had prayed that if God ever had marriage in mind for me, I would only be attracted to that person, I was done with the  emotional roller coasters and mind games of dating. The more I got to know My Joshua, the more life was changing for me.

I had a choice to make. I could go in one direction or the other. I could follow the plans I had for myself and go to the mission field. Or I could stay and most likely marry My Joshua (I knew he would still have his own choices to make once God presented him with the wall that was Anna).

I struggled and prayed and pleaded with God to show me His will. Now I realize He already had. Now it was my choice. If I chose marriage, Josh was the man.

I chose marriage, and left the missionary work in God’s hands, knowing He may or may not give that to me also, hoping He would. josh seemed to have a pretty big heart for it as well.

We started dating soon after, we were engaged not even 3 months after our first date, we were married not even 3 months after our engagement.

What a whirlwind romance!

But when you know, you know, and we knew.

My Joshua has lived up to his namesake in the Bible many times over. He has listened to God and marched around many strongholds and brought them down in God’s timing and God’s power. He has served leaders well and led others well. He has met with God in the desert time and time again, and done his best to follow whatever it is that God says to him there, no matter how ridiculous it may sound to everyone else (including me, maybe even especially me).

My Joshua has seen the promised land and brought back reports of its amazing bounty to others who longed to live in that kind of a land. He has offered to lead them there. Giants don’t distract him. He is a fighter through and through. I love to watch him fight for the things God lays on his heart.  (Especially when it’s me and the boys he’s fighting for!)

My Joshua also has a Caleb in his life, someone else who has seen the promised land and brought back reports of its bounty to us, whispers of what heaven must be like. This Caleb is our son, who was stillborn in May 2003. I will write more about that soon…

And My Joshua’s life verse is Joshua 1:9 –

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I’ll get to that word GO in an upcoming post. I’d love to keep unpacking the IF Gathering 2015 with you over the coming days…

For now, even though the Gathering was just starting, I knew that God would be speaking to my heart about marriage to My Joshua and about going into the promised land. Over the last few months God had shown us a vision and direction for Reaching the North, and I knew it was most likely time to take another big step of faith.

I also knew that for me the step might just be from within.

I’m posting this one for you today, Joshua, because I have a special one coming for my Daddy tomorrow…

I know your heart, Josh, your father’s heart…

You long to be a good father to our boys…

You’ve been discovering what exactly this means over the last 13 years…

Skimming through these articles shows me a few things about being a good father…

What the Bible Says About Being a Father

Be a Good Father

The Awesome Dad Cheat Sheet

Or this one might be speaking more of your language…

5 Lessons Rugby Taught Me About Fatherhood

But I don’t need to read any more articles to know what I’ve always known…

Ever since before Josiah entered the world…

You would be a really good father.

I was not wrong, Joshua.

You care for us with all you’ve got, you put us first whenever possible, you work less so you are present more, you try so hard to do the right thing, you provide more than enough for all our needs (and many of our wants as well), you dare to dream big dreams, you cheer us on and build us up and give us roots and give us wings.

You are outrageously spontaneous and wild and crazy and free.

You are fun and fun-loving.

You love to make us laugh.

You hold us when we hurt – if we let you.

You value tradition.

You love to try new things.

You fix things that are broken.

You protect us.

You give us freedom to discover who we are.

You love to rap and dance and play guitar.

You invite all kinds of amazing people into our home.

You open the world to us, and show us there’s no place like home.

You sit in silence when we need it, and you chat with us about life when we need that.

You listen.

You learn.

Always more learning when you’re a father….

Thanks for putting in the time, the effort, the creativity, the prayer, and the love needed to be the father you are today.

We will love you more tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

Just as we know you will do the same for us.

Happy Father’s Day Joshua.

Hope you like your presents tomorrow!

Feels like it’s been a while.

Feels like I have so much to share and no idea where to start.

What a week, what a month, what a year!

I’ve been waiting for a time of quiet so I can think and write it all down.

But even when there is no audible noise, there is soul-noise.

Yesterday it seems I may have found a place, a time of rest.

Because this morning it is a little quieter in my head, my heart.

Can I share?

This year has been one major event/change/transition after another.

Don’t we all have years like that?

Sometimes the big things are not good things.

This year they have been good things – thank God.

Because of course there will be times that are the opposite.

But not right now.

This year there was Meeting Oliver, Graduation, Turning 40, and Publishing My First Book.

But I don’t think I’ve mentioned much about church planting or the Northern Ontario focus or the Dominican focus.

Not to mention I am watching my boys grow up more and more every day. It’s a whole new phase with one of them in youth group and the other finishing up primary education soon enough.

And my husband will soon join me in entering another decade of life – he will also turn 40 next month. We really are growing old together.

Then there is IF – something new and beautiful and filling me up daily.

I find myself leaning into this song more and more every day…

I remember finding this saying at my mum’s house a few years back – I keep it in my wallet..

I can trust the waves, for I know the One who made the ocean.

Ya, exactly.

Lots of waves, not big horrible waves of destruction…

But waves that knock me over, flip me upside down, spin me around and around, and make me search for which way is up.

My husband tried out surfing in Mexico when I was five months pregnant with our first son.

We were much crazier then, in different ways, and didn’t mind hopping on a plane with 5 days notice and travelling across the world to catch a few days of adventure – with a baby coming we knew life would be spinning us around in many ways.

I remember sitting on a beach near Los Cabos, with a woman I barely knew, trying to spot Josh and this woman’s boyfriend on the horizon.

They had this crazy idea to try surfing.

Josh with his long wild hair and his fearlessness.

Me with big baby belly, red kerchief on my head, sprawled on the blanket on white sand.

They told us at the surf shop where we rented the boards that it was dangerous to go out on the waves that day.

Some of the walls of water were 12 feet high they said.

But still Josh went out, having never surfed before.

Back then I revelled in his craziness instead of trying to tame it (oh my, why do I even try to tame this in him?).

I remember scanning the horizon, not seeing the soon-to-be-father that I’d been married to for not even two years.

I stood up and searched some more.

Trusted.

I knew he was there somewhere, that God had him, that he would saunter back up the beach to me with that smirk on his face.

And he did, but not for a while, and not without a fascinating tale of adventure to tell.

He’d been knocked off his board, tossed into the waves, spun around and upside down, couldn’t tell which way was up.

Good thing he had tied off the board to his ankle.

Good thing he had something to pull him rightside up, to show him the way to swim.

Ya, good thing!

And I looked at him and knew I loved the craziness in him.

Always have.

And here we are, almost 15 years later, and I still love that in him.

But I’ve started riding the waves with him more and more.

I’m not sitting on the beach anymore.

Not wrapped up in a cozy blanket, watching life happen – now out on the waves alongside him.

And it’s spinning me around and upside down, and some days the waves seem way too big to be trying to navigate.

So instead I let them wash over me, and I pull on the rope that shows me the way up, and I come up for air, and get ready for the next wave.

Knowing that the seas do calm, the waves do still, and it will get easier to catch my breath – eventually.

Really, though, I wouldn’t want to miss the ride – waves and all.

What crazy changes this year is bringing so far…

My husband says it feels like we’re waiting.

But I’m starting to wonder if it’s that God is waiting on us.

We’ve been watching Him line things up and put things into position.

He’s given us fresh vision and pointed us on a clear path.

In life and in ministry.

We have been waiting for this for (it feels like) forever.

We’ve gotten used to the waiting, and comfortable in the waiting.

But it feels like things are flip-flopped around, like crazy change is happening, and now Someone is waiting on us.

Time and again – for the past THREE years – he’s been playing this verse on repeat in our lives:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

Yep, it’s a good one, eh?

It also happens to be my husband’s life verse.

When God keeps throwing your life verse at you, in amazing ways, at just the right times, over and over and over again, you know something’s coming, right?

We’ve had this sense of Him at work for a while.

Like on the hard days, when nothing made sense, and we couldn’t see past the next few minutes, He was simply asking us to… wait.

It was really hard to learn to wait.

This verse helped:

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:31

Some days we just walked, sauntered even, through the confusion and the fog. Some days we didn’t run at all, and we felt very weary and faint.

We learned to grab hold of the good, to live in the moments that filled our days with such blessings – if only we let them, if only we recognized them, if only we learned to see things through His eyes.

And I don’t want to leave out my life verse either. Because for a time He was throwing this one at us from every direction as well:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

My favourite hymn is Seek Ye First.

It’s the only one I can play on the piano by memory – a version I created myself so that I can play it anywhere, anytime.

One song, just one song that has echoed in my soul for as long as I can remember.

Other songs have come and gone, but this one has always remained.

And we did learn to ask, to seek, and to knock.

Even when we didn’t get the answer we hoped for in the asking, or when things weren’t much clearer after the seeking, or when doors seemed to remain closed after the knocking.

It’s all about timing – His timing.

And we continued to wait.

Somewhere in the waiting, in the watching for mountains to move and seas to part, we learned that the greatest mountains need to be moved in us, and the biggest seas need to be parted in our hearts.

God is waiting on us.

He is asking us, seeking after us, knocking on the door of our hearts…

Josh and I got married under a stained glass window – can you see it in the background?

 

It’s Jesus knocking on a door with no handle…

I didn’t get it until someone explained it to me…

How Jesus will never force His way into anyone’s life, into anyone’s heart…

He simply knocks, and it’s up to them how they answer…

The door can only be opened from the other side…

He simply stands and waits for the answer.

And that’s how it feels to me just now – like God is waiting on us.

We have done our asking, our seeking, and our knocking – now it’s time to be strong and courageous, knowing that we don’t have to be afraid or discouraged when things look a little crazy, because He is with us always.

After all the waiting, now I’m looking forward to running this next lap of the race with you, Joshua.

 

 

This is an excerpt from my The Family Forum newsletter that I published in September 2010.  It’s an interview-style article written by friends of mine – Todd and Heather Anderson.  Thought I’d share it with you…

HE SAYS…  I’ve been using Colgate toothpaste for as long as I can remember.  When we got married, Heather was a Crest girl… we bought two separate tubes of toothpaste, until I finally converted her.  There are some things that just   shouldn’t change.  But then there are some that should.  You can run from change or you can welcome it with open arms… or you can argue with it, philosophize with it, analyze it, and think deep thoughts about it as I tend to do.  One of the most important things I’ve  found  in  dealing  with change as a couple, is the need to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes.  You need to see with their eyes and hear with their ears.  This is the first step towards clear communication, a shield against the unpleasant aspects of change.  Change disrupts expectations and generally reveals the character qualities of the people in the midst of it.  My goal as a husband is to do whatever it takes to keep communication strong through times of change and uncertainty – to express humility as we are confronted by decisions that signal change for the family.         

– Todd Anderson

SHE SAYS…  Todd and I have been married for 3½ years.  Four cities, 2 degrees, 5 rental places, 2 jobs and 2 kids later, here we are and definitely no strangers to change.  We love change.  We welcome it.  At least I do.  Without it I think I would get bored.  And maybe a little too comfortable.  Sometimes it’s good to throw a curve ball… or get one thrown at you.  Because when your circumstances change, you change and you get a chance to tackle something new as a couple.  All the changes we’ve been through together have only made our marriage stronger.  How do  we deal with change?  We remember the CONSTANT.  We know that God is constant and circumstances are in His control.  We don’t fear change as much when we attribute that change to a greater power, knowing that God is teaching us, guiding us and refining us throughout it.  We also remember that we are constant.  No matter where we go, or what we are doing, we know that we are doing it together.  We tackle change as a team.   Together, we celebrate change – bring it on!   

 – Heather Anderson

Relationship Challenge: 

Change it up!  For one week, keep track of the recreational time that you and your spouse spend doing separate things.  The next week, spend that same amount of time (or more!) doing things together. 

Here’s a fun idea for a date during your second week:  gather up all your loose change (you can start saving in anticipation beforehand) and then go blow it all doing something you wouldn’t normally do – like playing arcade games, or buying slurpees from the convenience store. 

 Marriage Prayer: 

Father God, We know that you are unchanging and good.  We know that you are in control of all circumstances.  We often feel uncertain in times of change, but we are thankful that peace can be found in you.  Thank you that you are not done with us, but that you continue to change our hearts to look more like your Son Jesus Christ.  Help us to accept the changes that you bring and to glorify you through them.  In His Name, Amen.

 

Enjoy this excerpt from the March issue of The Family Forum newsletter. 

Crisis is a part of life, and a part of marriage.  Sadness, strife, or stress can enter our days and leave us winded for a long time.  Unexpected and unwelcome events can occur and leave us scrambling to survive minute by minute.  I’m sure we can all relate somehow to crisis in our lives and in our marriages.

Josh and I experienced out fair share of crisis in our years together, but we also know others who experienced much more than we have.  No one life and no one marriage will look   exactly like another.  We are all unique and our marriages are unique.

We lived through job loss, stillbirth, serious illness in our children, many moves, deaths in the family and much confusion.  Your crisis situations may look similar to ours, but you will have your own unique experiences.

Only the two of you have your unique set of circumstances.  No other marriage can have the same set.  You know each other’s loss, hardship, grief, sadness and stress in a special way because you share experiences, because you share a life, because you are one.

Pull together through the hard times instead of drifting apart.  Find your strength in each other instead of carrying the weight alone.  Communicate with the person who may just know you better than you know yourself.  Seek counselling if you need it.

During our times of crisis, Josh and I handled our situations differently.  Sometimes I needed to be alone, but I made sure to reconnect after that time, even if it meant lots of tears as we got the hurt out.  Josh is great at    making me laugh and sometimes I needed that laughter during the hard times.  Sometimes it was a hug or a prayer.

Expressing our needs to one another and accepting each other for who we are is key in dealing with crisis.  Even though we don’t always understand each other’s emotions, we try to validate them.

Though we may never understand the reasons behind the crisis in our lives, we can trust God to be with us through the crisis.  He waits for you to turn to Him, and He can handle yelling as well as praise.  Lean on Him the most – as individuals and as a  couple – as you deal with crisis in your life and in your marriage.

Relationship Challenge: 

Take an inventory of your years together.  Have you experienced crisis that you never fully dealt with?  Is there any lingering sadness, strife or stress in your relationships that you haven’t talked through with your spouse?  Open the lines of communication and share the burden of crisis.  If you need much help, counsellors are available at your church, in your community or even online to walk you through the healing and restoration needed.

Marriage Prayer: 

Lord, You know our hurts.  You know every second of every day of every year of our lives and our marriage.  Help us to communicate openly with one another without causing more hurt, but rather to bring healing.  If the hurt is too much or if we need help to deal with our crisis, please show us who You have for us to walk us through this time.  May we draw always closer to You and each other in the hard times that come.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.